Coming to terms
Well, I’m not sure if this qualifies as a story or a blog, but here goes.The following will be a pretty accurate chronological detail of events that led me to where I am today. To catch up you may want to start at the begging https://xhamster.com/stories/my-first-sexual-experience-and-yes-it-was-gay-725986 it was my first time as far as experience goes. Now fast forward to 19 or 20 years old and on a 96 heading home while in the Marines. Stop at a rest area to piss and maybe catch some sleep. As soon as I get out of my truck this go strikes up a conversation. Me being a young naive country boy a talk with him for a minute or two. The conversation starts getting weirder and weirder the longer he talks and I finally do the metal gymnastics in my head that this dude is or might be gay. I suddenly bring up my fiance’ and how much I can’t wait to see her (a total lie, just trying to let him down gently). I think we are done talking and make my way up to the restroom and start pissing. Next thing I know this dude is right next to me at a urinal and we are the only two in there when there was plenty of urinals further away. I look over and he is staring at my dick and says something along the lines of “Hey man you’ve got a great dick”. I finish pissing get back to my truck and leave.
As weirded out as I was from this event, once I was back on the interstate and heading south I started playing different scenarios in my head and found myself getting turned on at the thought of it. I can’t remember if I jerked off to it or not but I know I was at the least hot and bothered. Time goes on and I get married, wife was a bit of a prude at first but kinda livened up after a bit. I bought her a dildo to have fun with and the thought of using it on me turned her on. I finally gave in and let her fuck me with it. It got her so horny, and I didn’t mind it either. She would talk about watching me with another guy while she got off fucking me with it. More time goes by and I leave the service, move home and get a job running a field service truck and believe it or not the damn near same fucking thing happens again twice at rest stops. Being in field service I was always out on the road and often times to the wee hours of the morning. Wife and I fuck from time to time but start drifting apart. I wind up getting a girlfriend on the side (ya, I’m an asshole blah blah). Me and this chick fuck like rabbits and party almost every night. One night we wind up at a bar by the beach we’ve never been to We start chatting it up with this older chick (we were mid 20’s) she was probably mid to late 50’s but a sure enough smoke show. Most 35yo women would have killed for her body.
We get talked into a threesome with her and both chicks are making out and feeling me up. We drive to her house and here is where shit gets funky. We hang outside for a minute and have a drink or two. Girl I’m with is half shit faced but still on two feet about the time we finally go inside. Just before opening the door the older broad says to be quite, her husband might me asleep and we don’t want to wake him. She had a really nice beach house and I was ready to fuck from one side to the other of it, so mums the word as we go in. Mums becomes past tense a few steps in when we walk by the master bedroom and there is hubby butt naked jerking off to tranny porn with a dildo in his ass. [In hind site I believe this is where my love for trans girls came from] My girl flips her drunk as out and runs to kitchen. The old lady stayed cool through the whole thing, obviously not her first rodeo. Old man is creeping girlfriend out more and more telling her to get naked and fuck somebody already. Somehow we separate from the old man and devise a plan to still get this three way going if old man stayed out of the bed, unbeknownst to him of course. My first threeway is about to go down bitches, or so I thought. Quick rundown to old man about the rules and we get started. I wasn’t keeping tabs, but not much time went down before old man does his creepy old man thing about everybody fucking everybody, my girl runs out of the room and hides her drunk ass leaving me in there with the couple alone. He starts begging me, and I mean begging me to fuck him. Not happening dude, I’ll fuck your wife but not you. I think money gets brought up or something while I’m fucking his wife and she starts begging me to fuck him too. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. Well, I caved and next thing you know I’m fucking the shit out of this old man while wife is getting herself off. I’m about to cum and BANG BANG BANG on the door. Door was locked and girl was crying outside of it. I run to the sink and clean up and get dressed while the wife yelled excuses through the door about why it was locked. I think she even had the “we are locked in”, not the “you are locked out” thing going for a minute. I write my number with her lipstick on the mirror like a cheesy 80’s movie and we finally get the “locked” door open. Play everything off like nothing happened and apparently an ass fucking was what was needed to calm old man down because he was cool as a cucumber when we walked out. Had a few beers with them and headed back to girlfriends place. Made it about 2 miles got pulled over, truck impounded but no jail. Drinking and driving is bad folks. Get friend to pick truck up out of impound and drive back to girls house. The sun is up when we get home but we catch a cat nap and then I fuck the shit out of her to try and get the gay out of me.
If you need to, fix a drink and come back, I might be here a while. Okay, back to the timeline. Dropped the side girl and me and wife have two k**s not that it matters. Somehow we wind up with another vibrator/dildo and she still like fucking me with it from time to time. She also like to watch gay porn when we fuck, while I pretend I’m not watching it too. She goes to her sisters with the k**s for a few weeks and I get horny. Never trust a horny man ladies. I found a guy on craigslist that just wanted to give head, he comes over and what started as me getting great head wound up with me fucking him. At this point I just wanted something to put my dick in. Month or so goes by, wife is gone on vacation, same thing again but this guy just gives me head. I don’t think I’m gay at this point, in fact I don’t even think I’m bi. I’m just a squirrel getting a nut. Right? My job at the time required constant training, so I would go to Atlanta several times a year. This one time in the hotel elevator, a guy starts hitting on me hard. I brush him off nicely but get to my room and start thinking about it. Make and add on craigslist and a guy comes over to my room. He’s quite a bit older than me but who cares at this point, elevator guy got me horny. Unlike every guy in the past I got more physical with this guy as far as reciprocation. I stripped for him and played with my ass for him we gave each other head too, but in the end he just jerked off to cum. A month later, basically same thing happens but this guy just wanted fucked. He looked nothing like his picture, but I managed to knock the bottom out of him best I could. I must have been spoiling the shit out of my wife back then, because again she is out of town on I find a craigslist guy. I go to his house and we have a few drinks he puts on tranny porn for me because I mentioned how hot that was. He tells me to get naked and I’m expecting head when I lay down. This mother fucker starts licking my ass, mind blown! I had know idea what I was missing, it was the best thing I’d ever felt. He edges me for what seemed like for ever and then deep throats my cock with expertise I’d never had. First guy I ever went back to get seconds of.
So we are all up to date (to this point in the story at least) that I’m basically a top and still don’t consider myself even bisexual.I take a break from running around for a while but still jerk off regular to shemale porn. Kimber James was my go to. So much in fact that I used to drive by a road with her name on it and get so horny at just her name I would have to jerk and drive. At this point in my life, me and the wife almost never have sex, 3 or 4 times a year tops, and only when one of us was drunk enough to start with the other. We got rid of the sex toys we had because we never used them and I didn’t want her to think I was into that kind of thing anymore. I went to training in Atlanta and was so horned up sitting in the hotel I walked across the street and bought a vibrator and some lube from a sex shop. I fucked myself so good that night, and on the way home I was fucking myself as I drove. Edging and filling my ass with silicon mile after mile. I tossed them out before getting home so not to be found out, but every time the wife would leave for a few days I would run to the sex shop and buy another to enjoy as long as I could. It didn’t take long from watching trannies and imagining them fucking me to upgrading to gay porn. Seeing men on men was so hot. How long could I keep this just a fantasy. I started liking everything about gay porn, not just the “good” parts. I liked watching guys kiss and be passionate, cum in each others mouths, breed each other everything. Liking a something on screen and in real life is different though. Then I had to go for training again. Where to this time you ask? Palm mother fuckin Springs.
Two minutes on google and what do I learn about Palm Springs? It’s a gay utopia, Great. Just what a straight guy that like gay porn and getting fucked with dildos needs. I was good somehow the entire time I was there, don’t ask me how, the temptation was there. Did I say whole time? On the last night I decide to go out and I had never been to a gay bar so what the hell, why not. You know, when in Rome and all. Get a couple drinks in me at a local dive bar that was just that, working up courage to go to gay bar. Hit gay bar with a good buzz on and man was it fun. These dudes were all so chill, one guy was showing me pictures of his smoking hot daughter that I had no idea on how to compliment her beauty without being offensive. I stammered around with words and guess I did okay. Me and about five other guys hung out all night drinking singing and just having fun. All of them wanted to take me home, but I had a flight to catch in the morning. I vaguely remember a kiss or two when saying goodnight. Wake up to catch plane, go to terminal, get on plane and sit down with my thoughts. I’m not gay, I’m not even bisexual…ok maybe a little bisexual…or am I. I don’t know what to think now.
Download grindr. Delete grindr. Download grindr. Delete grindr. Download grindr…Get several hits, or whatever they’re called. Finally chat with a guy that seems cool that lives near me. Back to Atlanta for training. He gets ahold of me one night and wants to video chat, we do that and it’s my first time ever doing it. It quickly turns to him having his dick out and me fingering myself. I finally wanted a man in me and the man I wanted was back home. Get back home and long story short we hook up. Kissing, making out, groping, giving each other head and finally I give into years of desire and he fucks me, nah, he makes love to me. Go home and finally admit I may be bi lol. Me and him hook up regular and I love it. The sex life that disappeared with the wife is alive with him. I love being a bottom. I love the taste of and swallowing cum. I know his and my time is about to be up because he’s most likely moving soon.
So here’s the dilemma my perverted xhamster friends, I have no intention on ever leaving my wife. I love her, she love me, but sex just isn’t there. I’m hoping I can get her into cucking me so we both get what we want. Sexually I think I’m gay, emotionally I am straight. Does that make sense? I don’t think of myself as bi, although I am not against the use of the word. I think I am part gay part straight. Mostly gay though. It is Thanksgiving weekend and I’ve jerked off countless times, been fucked once by my guy friend, and went to sex shop and bought a butt plug that has had me crawling the walls all week. Maybe I’m just a gay guy married to a women. Who knows.
I hope this didn’t bore you to death, if your near Pensacola, Fl and want to get drinks, hit me up. Thanks yall.